this is hard...

Week 1 of trying to be the ideal me...

1.  As a co-worker I kinda suck!! I try to be there for my co-workers, but I have been somewhat of a disgruntle employee...I have been spoiled in having 2 awesome (not all the time awesome, but comparatively speaking they were awesome) supervisors and the one I have had for the past year is sorta not awesome and I have been talking about her in a negative tone, when I know it could be worse! I could have a real witch as a boss (and she actually does exist) so I will attempt to look at the positives in my boss and not focus so much on the negatives when in realty I do not have it that bad. 

2.  As a mommy, I will not take my kiddos for granted, although sometimes they give me a headache, this weekend I actually saw God in them.  As I was getting ready for a party and trying on different outfits that wouldn't make me look "big" (as if the outfit it the reason I look "big") I ended up crying, nothing felt right, it was either too tight, not my style, or too casual...ARGH! I ended up crying and my baby Rene immediately went to his dad and asked what he did to make me cry...I explained to baby Rene that daddy didn't make mommy cry, but I was crying on my own because I didn't feel good.  So he looked straight into my eyes and said, "mommy, I think you are beautiful" and I cried even more, because I knew that this was a message from God.  I felt God's presence, the same feeling I felt the day I accepted Him into my life as my Lord and Savior...I said to baby Rene, "thank you papa" and I whispered to God, "thank you for thinking I'm beautiful".  This was a great moment in life because God sent me a message through my son, in the time that I needed to hear something uplifting my son said I was beautiful...I didn't tell him that I was feeling bad about my body or self image, all I said to him was "I don't feel good" and God immediately stepped in and sent me a message through my boy.  All I can say is that I felt amazing in the outfit I picked out and had a great night dancing the night away with the hubby, friends, and family! 

3.  This past week I must pat myself on the back because I made it to the gym 4 times and I ate healthy Monday through Saturday evening, where I went to a party, and guess what they were serving.......Mexican food!!!! And not your average Mexican food!!! They had a Taco Man!!! My little heart wanted the tacos and my brain was saying "no way, you have worked soo hard this week to just ruin it now", but then my heart said, "you totally deserve it Mayerling, it's all about baby steps and 1 meal will not kill you" sooooo guess who won?!?!?! Yep I had 2 tacos, BUT they were chicken (I believe they are healthier than anything else they were serving) and just a spoonful of beans and rice....way less than if I were not watching what I was eating and I was happy. :o)  On Sunday, again I gave out one 1 meal because it was another birthday party, but I limited myself to only 2 slices of pizza and then I had me some chocolate ice cream!! Hey those come along few in between months! What a treat! Besides, I plan to start again hardcore this week!!! So I'm on track!!! YaY for me!!!

and so it begins...

so I should back-track a little, in late February of this year, I looked in the mirror and what I saw was not myself...I saw a thin person, yet when I would see myself in pictures, I would see a rather larger individual than the one I would see in the mirror...does this make any sense at all?!?! heck no...so that's when I realized my self-image was a bit distorted....I thought I looked great when indeed I DID NOT! well at least my body didn't look like it did prior to having my kiddos...I guess the many comments my relatives and co-workers were making towards me in reference to my weight gain must have phased me, I mean the comments were mean (I think I cried 2 times about mean weight comments) YET when I actually looked in the mirror I didn't see a fat girl...

so realty set in and I googled "bootcamp" because when I do things I tend to over-do-it...so I joined Yorba Linda Fitness Success Women's Bootcamp...look it up it sounds great! AND they guarantee weight loss OR your money back! Everything looked great until I got injured 1 week into it!  My body is just not the same as it used to be back when I was a teenager or even in my early twenties...I now have knee pain (I'm sure related to my weight gain) and I tend to get injured quiet easily nowadays.  Doc said to stay off for 2 to 6 weeks, I wanted to go back after 2 weeks, but the hubby said it's best to take another week so it was 3 weeks...I went back and got re-injured (and it was way WORSE and it HURT tons) so I decided to go ahead and take the whole 6 weeks off (ok maybe a little more) cause I just lost the motivation that I had back way back when in FEBRUARY!

So today was my official first day back at the gym...the trainer recommended I ease back into working out so the bootcamp will be twice a week and a session with a Cardio Coach 3 times per week....we shall see how this goes...wish me luck as I will need it!

oh yea and now I have to watch what I eat too! WISH me luck with that moreso than the working out part!!!

the ideal me is...

I have never "blogged" before, but I do follow 2 of my friend's blogs and these friends of mine live inspiring lives! The goal of this blog is to document the trails and tribulations of my journey to living my life as the ideal me!

In my ideal world, I am a loving and understanding mother, wife, daughter, sister, co-worker, and Christian.  But of course I do not live in the ideal world, none of us do, but do I accept my flaws and just live with it OR do I make an earnest attempt to achieving certain goals in my life and make some real changes?  Well my dear friends and family, I have decided to choose the path where I attempt to be the "ideal me". 

With this blog I plan to journal my life as a mother, my beautiful children Rene and Olivia are my life, but sometimes these little rugrats test my limits and push my buttons.  As a mother (and social worker) I can only pray to God to grant me patience during these times where I feel like pulling my hair out (as if I really need more hair to fall out since giving birth to these two precious souls) and take a deep breath and then address the issue at hand.

With this blog I also plan to journal my life as an overweight woman who loves food, loves chocolate, loves to lounge, and has a job where I am stationary most of the day, BUT this overweight woman knows that certain things in life have to give out in order to be a healthier me!  I will journal my struggles (because we know there will be) on my attempts to losing weight, through exercise and eating healthy. 

With this blog I also plan to journal my life as a Christian-free spirit- liberal woman...my thoughts on my relationship with the Lord, how I live my life, and the choices I make with Him in thought.

My hope is that as my friend or family, you can relate to my life...and share with me the joys and struggles of LIFE as we know it...